.:+:.The Life of a Sponge Head.:+:.

Musings, Life, Nostalgia (2016)

on a personal note =)
3 years ago, i decided to have a personal relationship with Jesus through a Hillsong Concert in Manila (Philippines) i can clearly remember how ALIVE i felt that time i was singing along, raising my hands in worship, crying non stop because i felt touched by the spirit..

2 years later, i moved to London for work and found a Hillsong Trailer Bus parked (by God's grace) as i was walking aimlessly with friends along tottenham court road. i knew in my heart I had to find a reason why it was there so i asked my friends to walk around the place to look for any sign that there was something Hillsong-y that was happening and then..my friend found the Hillsong Church sign at the Dominion Theatre.

November 7 2010, i came to Hillsong Church London for the very first time. i was determined to go, even if i was on my own and the Church is far from where i live. i was lost..and totally devastated from so many bad things that have happened to me that time (just had a bad breakup, had terrible homesickness, was struggling to start a life of my own in a different country etc). I went in the auditorium and a big sign that said "WELCOME HOME" graced my eyes. i knew from then on that i was in for something interesting.

Praise and Worship was AMAZING. i didnt normally lift my hands during worship at our church in manila as i was too conscious of the people around me. That time, i felt so liberated from consciousness. i was on my own, in a place where no one knew who i was, what i've done wrong, or what achievements i've had in the past. i was there for God, for myself, for my renewed relationship with Him.

the message that sunday was about the questions we often ask God. the message was so timely because i really felt like i had to find an answer., to know what to do next after making so many bad decisions. i felt like the message was delivered specifically for my query. I asked and God answered. that was it. i knew i had to keep coming back. I raised my hand when they did the altar call. with confidence, i claimed that i needed God in my life..that i had to be under His guidance again.

a girl approached me after service..gave me a new testament bible in magazine form and asked me to join her and the young adult people for lunch. i accepted her invite and i got to meet so many people who also went to Church for the very first time.

I've been going to Hillsong Church London ever since and my life has never been the same. Just recently, i've decided to join the group of young adults again and i am having a great time talking to them. they're all so nice even if i dont know most of their names . they just made me feel really welcome to the group as if we've been friends for a really long time.

Despite the difficulties of living far from my family, i know that i have found my home here at Hillsong =)

Thank You Lord for everything..for my personal relationship with You, for a great job, for financial stability, for my safe family in Manila, a comfortable life and for the Hillsong Community (young adults. yay!) who never cease to amaze me with their kindess and hospitality. I LOVE CHURCH!!!!!

Beee day!
It's my first birthday away from home. 24 years in this lifetime nd i still feel like i havent learned anything valuable.. I've been through the worst kind of crap any person can imagine happen to a girl my age and yet i feel like none of those experiences have actually made an impact on who i am. Nothing has changed. The years that have passed are just insignificant numbers on a calendar. Nothing more. Well okay I may have changed a little because im forced to..but a great part of me still wants to hold on to my immature and careless nature. I miss having no responsibilities..i miss being not responsible for myself. although i am incredibly grateful for all the blessings thrown upon me..i still cant help but feel that i need some more.. I still have a lot of wants..things i dont want to claim without going through any hard time. I guess it's just part of human nature not to be content with anything..right? I wished for my own bed, i got a whole room then i got a flat..and yet it still isnt enough for me. I used to live off 50 quid a week during my first few months here in london and now that i've been receiving more than that, it still feels like what i have now will never be enough. How did i manage to live then and feel like i had more than what i needed? Twenty-four. Hehe..most of the people i know here already want to settle down..and here i am still greatly concerned with the newest collection of bags in john lewis, or the biggest bargains in all the leading stores. I refuse to grow old. It may have more setbacks than advantages but for the moment, it makes me happy..and i dont need any other person's approval of it. Happy birthday me!!

To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget.

(no subject)
i just read my entry from last night and my sentences did not make sense at all.

Post adrenaline rush
The endorphins from my 2hour workout are starting to kick in. Im actually supposed to be sad cos im terribly missing someone and ive been remembering some stuff i shouldve already forgotten..but im actually quite happy that i got to experience those times with him. It's nice to look back at those happy times we had although its also a bit depressing that it ended in a very bad way. =/

anyway..i just want to enjoy my cookie for now..happily nibbling through the small chocolate chips..just like how i enjoyed those moments then..and how im enjoying my time alone tonight.

Today marks the start of entertaining good vibes. I dont wanna be bitter about it anymore. =)

couting down again
i have 3 more weeks before i fly back to manila. im feeling extremely excited to meet up with all my friends again and take pictures like it's the last day of the world, but at the same time, im also afraid to go home and face this certain situation i got myself into. im still trying to figure out how im gonna go about this "situation" but i dont want to stress about it that much cos i'd like to make happy memories out of my 4 weeks in manila. im seriously depending on all the nights out and all the experimental eat-out days i hope i'll be having with all the people that i miss. life full of work really makes a person dull. i cant even remember the last time i seriously had a great time with a bunch of people here. i mean, yeah sometimes we do get a bit rowdy (thanks to the assistance of our constant party companion, smirnoff) and laugh our hearts out but its still different when you get to do those with people you've actually known for longer. im completely comfortable with a handful of names here and im happy that i have them to trust to have fun with.

riiiigghhttt.. so i still have 3 weeks to complete my shopping list for everybody. im STRUGGLING to stay on my pasalubong budget cos i bet im gonna be spending more that what i actually saved for this holiday. hahaha. ok lang i guess, as long as i keep the people around me happy then i guess all the spending is gonna be worth it. i just hope they wont expect a lot because i seriously dont have enough money for everyone. wahahhaha

anyway. dinner time. will update again soon enough.

i seriously feel like an idiot now.

now now now now now


i miss this blog
i kinda miss how i was before i started working. Being a bum isnt actually that bad because you get to have all the time in the world to do anything, anywhere you please. I miss being able to lie down the whole day or spend hours and hours in the gym everyweek just because i wasnt so busy doing anything so "adult-y" or just having the simple privilege of alone time without worrying about something important i have to do, or something else that should be at the top of my priority list before i set off for work the following day.

i also miss reading novels or playing those silly facebook games (i.e typing maniac) everybody got so excited about when facebook started. My days off now are all about doing laundry, fixing the room, cleaning up, doing groceries, cooking food to feed my hungry stomach and blah blah blah.. IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT CHORES! i wish i can take a break from these 'days off" and actually take a day off from a day off. get it? wag na. effort.

so um yeah, how am i? i used to type in everything here when everybody else cared about LJ. writing here used to be very therapeutic for me. i've been reading my past entries and i miss how spontaneous it was for me to write down everything i had in mind. im sure ang dami ko nang grammatical errors ngayon o kaya sobrang nonsense na ng mga sinusulat ko kasi napupulpol na english ko kahit na dito ako sa England nagtatrabaho. pulpol sobra hahaha.

i think i remember saying in my previous post that i deleted my facebook account as a new year's resolution. well um..i restored my facebook account the other day because i think i'm through with my social isolation mood. the real reason behind it was that i tried to detach from my close friends just to see if they would miss me. echos lang. i dont think anyone noticed anyway so hahahaha yeah, now i feel more unimportant...it wasnt therapeutic at all. mwahahaha lesson learned. now im gonna move on =p

hmmm hmmmmm..what else? today was a very fruitful day at work. i was able to do a primary total knee replacement on my own (with coaching parin siyempre pero keri na) but unfortunately, i wasnt able to set the first cement mix properly so we had to open another one. i guess it's better that i make a lot of mistakes during my first independent case so at least i know what not to do for the succeeding cases. dizziziiit. i can finally say i'm not a virgin for PFC anymore. i just need a little more practice and im set to soar on my own.

yeah i suddenly got bored typing so im gonna update again next time. gym naman muna.

it's been almost 6 months since i moved here and in that 6 mos, i've managed to disappoint a lot of people including myself. I've gained so much weight and neglected my regular intensive workout routine. (but im still paying for my gym fees wtf) most of my clothes look shitty on me now. thank goodness i have to wear bulky clothing to keep me warm or else, i'd have to shell out a shitload of money again for new and larger clothes.

soo uhh yeah.. im counting 5 weeks from now and i'll be on a 22-hour flight back to manila. im really excited about it because im gonna see every person i miss every single day i spend here in london. im also quite pressured because i only have 5 weeks to get back in shape so people wont be so shocked to see me in this state. i mean, im fine with gaining weight but im suffering from early exhaustion and additional lazyness because i feel so heavy to move about. it just doesnt feel right.

hmm what else..

ah yeah, i deleted my facebook account before the new year started.. wala lang. i dont even know why i deleted my account. i just tell people that i deleted it so i can have more time to do things because facebook consumes so much of my time once i login...

well actually i deleted it so i wont stop checking someone's page. it's a new year, i have to move on.

the year i'd like to forget. 2010..you suck.
year end tradition's a couple of days late..but what the hell..

What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?

resigned from my first job
did something really unforgivable/cruel/stupid
did another something that will never ever be forgivable
applied for a post in london and got it
moved to the other side of the world with no known relatives nearby
sent my very first balikbayan box
bought a car
had my very first long-distance relationship
had my heart broken
did my own laundry
fixed my own room
cooked my own food..and other independent shit i never did when i had a yaya
set off a fire alarm
payed for my own bills

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
none for last year. same shit for this year..i never got to keep those new year's resolutions

Did anyone close to you give birth?
-my cousin, and someone else who almost did

Did anyone close to you die?

What countries did you visit?
- london, northern ireland, thailand

What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
-the determination to stick with my decisions..and to ALWAYS THINK STRAIGHT. f. it.

What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

april 9 - ='(
july 2 - day i left manila to work here in london
20-10-2010 - first heartbreak
dec 19 - day my family came here to visit and spend the holidays with me
jan 2 - the day they left ='(

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
im working in london, living independently in all aspects of my life, slowly getting over a terrible heartbreak

..and yeah im still standing

What was your biggest failure?
- i lost 2 important people in my life because im so stupid.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
- same shiz

What was the best thing you bought?
- a plane ticket back to manila this feb

Where did most of your money go?
- food and bills..and my balikbayan box.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
decorating my room..which isnt much of a success really.

What song(s) will always remind you of 2010?

safe with me
doorway to my dreams
club cant handle me

Compared to this time last year, are you:
a. happier or sadder? -- sadder. im miserable
b. thinner or fatter? -- fatter. fattest i've been since 4th year highschool. binaboy ako ng london eh
c. richer or poorer? -- relatively richer? pero ngayon poor na ule.

What do you wish you'd done more?
exercise. read. THINK, make proper decisions and have sound judgement

What do you wish you'd done less of?
fool around

What was your favorite TV program?
got addicted to chuck for about 2 weeks. we dont have TV eh

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

What was the best book you read?
caring for the perioperative patient. a hardbound book i bought at the library for £2.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
hmm wala

What did you want and get?
- employment here..a car..bla bla bla...mostly material stuff.

What was your favorite film of this year?

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
23. i dont remember what happened during my birthday..i dont even think i celebrated hehe

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
better decisions in life. hay

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
kung anong cheap, sige lang go.

What kept you sane?
hillsong church

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
wala eh

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:

there are bullies. dont let yourself be bullied
work is a diverse area. people backstab, people will mistreat you and look down on you. be sure to know yourself before you feel disheartened.
love isnt just about rainbows. you have to experience rain before you appreciate the beauty of the rainbow :)

..those were the ones from 2009. i guess i'd say the same things for this year plus one more thing:

knowing you can get away with doing things doesnt mean that you can do wrong things. doing something wrong can never ever be justifiable. people live and learn through their mistakes but sometimes, the gravest, most stupid mistakes in life are the ones you wouldnt want to live remembering.

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself
you can always do better.


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